Dearest,

A hug is the bandage for a wounded heart. I saw this phrase on vj's tee. Indeed, it is. Well, at least I love hugs cause they always make me feel better.Everyday has its personal ups and downs and thoughts can really kill. Nevertheless, I find myself pulling through each day and facing the next. Come what may, perhaps.

So ive been busy with 3tuition kids and 3other jobs and school and the boy the friends and most importantly the family. but that doesnt mean i forgot something, here it goes.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JESSIE <3
I love you all the same,no matter this distance.

Dear Precious,

So what have I been up to? Apart from tutoring,chijmes and sheraton work and fantasy party work, hehh..and school i've been hanging out pretty much. Selator reservoir, bottle tree neck- finally i get to swing! gelare, newton circus dinner,3monkeys kumar show... guess ive to thank everyone so much for dragging me out even when i say no, at times. It's helping me so much =)

Things been spoken.Tear have fell.Heart are broken.life's despair. I understand everything although i cant comprehend why it has to happen to me. Haa. I'm going to stick with you, through this toughest moments cause that's my purpose here! bestieboo!

misses. :D


Dearest,



Dearest,
Friday, I was supposed to meet "fluffy" for our ''escape''. I made my way to Cwp to meet her after tutoring and ended up bumping into Max.That would've been the first mistake for that day, cause it just doomed my mood,entirely. I was wondering, just how long does it take to give me a little reassurance.(already knowing just how I'd be feeling ) Hahh. I had to snap back to reality first, I guess. Reassurance here, is invalid. Friends dont reassure each other, no?

So the second mistake for that day was to choose to sit at civic centre where I bumped into "Md. Shikin" a long lost primary schoolmate.2hours and more, he just joined us girls and kept talking. Maybe, he bumped at us for a purpose. He was troubled and he needed to pour out and we gave him a listening ear for abit too long. He got me thinking abitand at the same time, with the way he was behaving, he got me irritated. Attached,father of a kid, yet flirty? I didnt feel at ease at the end of the day and the entire meet up- to me became pointless as the purpose was not met. However "fluffy" was glad that Vijay and Max joined us and she had a little catch up.
Open table talks, words said often to hurt those already sick in body mind and soul, It keeps getting tiring.. at times im emotionless and all the rest of the time im too emotional. damn.. and the whole ''bad mood thing'' was still going on. All the smiles and laughters were fake and I couldnt hide it any longer, I wanted to cry. I had to behave that way to you, cause I was feeling that way, because of you and myself. Maybe not, I allowed myself to feel that way so screw it.

Crying is pointless cause no one understands your pain, even those who tells you, sometimes that they understand you.

Saturday, I was so glad my prepaid was flat. Which means, no one can contact me and vice versa. I had a big plan, a plan for myself something to take it on myself to rip myself further apart. Tear my innerself til this little bit that's left of me, is gone too. It is just my way, of venting my emotions which I can't control. And if that happened, it would have been for the other partie's own good. They'd prolly get what they want, happiness. But imagine me doing that to myself, the thought itself, so painful and unbearable it would be if I allowed myself not to hear from you. Just hours and this empathetic heart gave in. I'm such a loser at this. A sober for you.

I got drenched head to toe, like as if i was dipped into the pool even though Danny was holding the umbrella for me. I kept running away, not. The feeling was so good! It felt like the skies were feeling me and doing what I couldnt. With millions of raindrops, I knew I was not alone.
I took an aircon bus ride to the-home. I was shivering throughout the hour journeyy! But the cold reminded me of hotchocolate. Of my hotchocolate babyboy, like it was. Trash. Played CS and fell asleep til Max got back home. It was just a happy feeling today after getting drenched and with everything falling in place (:

Thanks for the hug, I couldn't have felt any better.
goodnights.

Dearest,

Cuddle me to sleep, warm me up in your securities.

I suppose pictures always do bring memories and infact it speaks a thousand words. Apart from tutoring in the morning and school in the afternoon the evening plans were cancelled. I didnt catch the sunset or the rain drops hitting on my bareskin. I didnt see the waters and slack out. But came to my rescue, (the way my shrek-sanjeev says it) My Shining Armour Knight.

I was early, an hour early and so I updated myself with the current news in Singapore. Well so, a simple dinner with Max, and like our usual nights tucked in the sofa with his new sound system at the best comforts with the voices and sound effects of the movie "Bourne Supremacy" bouncing and reflecting back throughout the living room.., it really felt like theatre! Sleepy head decided to sleep and dragged me. It reminded me of his old house where I used to love sitting by the bedside, watching him doze off into his dreamland, literally. I like to watch people sleeping, maybe. Like, how I just have my nephew and nieces, brother, Max , Usha.. lying on my lap, playing with their hair, tapping their shoulder and making them sleep.. Cuteness..
(Especially Usha, the way she sleeps, cute!!)

Well enough of draggy long posts, its not as though anyone wants to know in detail what I've been up to. Or at least for now if you wish to know, I've got my candles litted up casting shadows in the living room and creating such an undescribable ambience.. it gets my mind relaxed and my thoughts flowing.

Thankyou, for tonight.

Forehead kisses, missed

Dearest,

First day of school, semester five. I haven't paid my school fees because, maybe the management sucks, cause they take forever to send the invoice which also means, I wouldn't have my notes for more than a week. (ahh, damn)

On the way to school, I was looking at the primary school children, especially the primary one children. It reminded me of my nephew Rishi who just entered primary one. All the excitement and nervousness running through his veins. It reminded me of my first day of school, back then in 1996. The little me waiting to enter the world of books,intellects and critics and although dreams were big, bigger than big infact.. I was afraid of failure but look at who I am today. I've grown from the girl i used to be in 1996 and I'm very proud of myself. =)

Was supposed to have the post-newyear gathering with my girlfriends but due to some last minute change in plans I ended up going for tutoring which ended at 7pm. I ringed Max but he didnt initiate a meet up, so very very e x t r e m e l y boringly I decided to go home.. hehh. I managed to meet Sue ... for 5minutes, haaaaa!

G : " I have to carry something really big and heavy in me"
G : I meant, my heart.. a big heart but lately it's been heavy..

Indeed, and so hopefully the plans for tomorrow wouldn't change and then maybe, I will cry with a smile by the waters.

SINDHU thinks ive suffering from acute? insomnia. (i think so too).. apart from dheep's crib and his shoulders.. it's very difficult for me to fall asleep and I dont sleep for long hours..
Faizal keeps sending voice clips on msn, and trust me its so so so sooo funny!!

BEAUTIFUL I MISS YOU!!

That song was in the playlist, and it reminded me of you. It was the song you kept singing at the begining of 2007. Of course, whatever in bold relates alot to me. It is only a wonder as to why, I teared so much and yet was smiling when the clock striked 12. I couldn't explain myself but I know Sindu, the first friend i've made this year definitely feels the way I am feeling! She's like my long lost sister? hehh. The church bells were ringing, tears were falling and smiles were widening.. and then the phone starts ringing and the fireworks starts. Mixed emotions, maybe but I'm definitely all hyped up for the year even though today is a lazy tuesday.

• 7weeks of school til end of february


• 1week of exam break


• 1week of exams
  (that's a total of 2monthish) and then,
• GRADUATION
  
  And I'm glad I made myself occupied with


• 2 tuition students
• Six day school
• Upcoming business plan with max and vj
• Sheraton- waitressing
• Fantasy Parties events assitant
  and for a change,
  
• Hoping to get myself occupied with all the woman out there!
  
  and also, planning for


• vocal lesson


• volunteery at the MINDS
• work outs
  
  So, all the above stated are PLANS and it is up to me to fulfil it. Along the way, there will be change in plans and other new plans and above all there's something very important on a personal note to myself. Learn to believe and what believed, happens.
  
  
  Happy 2008!

EXQUISITE FEMME
IM VERY GAY :D
I ♥ my babyboy
I ♥ my girlfriends.
here it comes a beautiful collision
is happening now there seems no end
to where You begin and there I am now
here it comes, you and I collide♥

Now that I've found you, I cant let you go. I build my world around you, cause I need you so. Baby,even though you dont need me.♥
THE REST, FOR YOU TO FIGURE IT OUT!