the journey i call life.

2009-07-20T22:54:00.002+08:00

I cant seem to write my thoughts out anymore.
I feel like a closed book so restricted.
I miss you.

Everything you speak about, your l i f e and how a guy would be lucky (or so, you say) to be with me many a times I have walked in circle to realise that what you have became is what I have become.

Its a freshly new cut.

2009-05-30T01:11:00.003+08:00

Baby you kissed me at your front porch where the
dim lights were beaming through the crystal chandeliers.

We can take a walk in your garden... like you said

this is a dream you wish was true..

im sorry...

because no distance can separate the greatest of friends!

( '', ) thank you ..( '', )

TRUST

Trust me, I dont know what I am feeling today.

Trust me, I can't seem to read your mind anymore.

Trust me, I really feel sorry for her.

Trust me, I dont know how else i should react.

Trust me, someday I wish this would get clear.

Trust me, one day I'm sure you have understood the tears.

Trust me, not one stone unturned, she will get hurt.

Trust me, karma goes in circles and you will be heard.

2009-04-09T00:44:00.002+08:00

THERE IS JUST SO MUCH THAT IS HAPPENING.

HOW CAN I WHO HARDLY PMS, END UP PMSING SO BADLY.

HOW CAN I WHO HARDLY FLARES BE THROWING MY TEMPER AROUND.

HOW CAN I WHO HARDLY HAVE MOODSWINGS BE MOODY ALL THE TIME.

AND MOST OF ALL,

HOW CAN I BE SO AFRAID TO LOSE THE LIFE THAT I NOW HAVE.
TO LOSE A PERSON I ALREADY HAVE LOST.
TO DREAM OF THE DEAD, DYING.

I just need you to stand by me.
We used to share our worlds and we may be travelling to two different worlds
but all i need is.

you, to stand by me.
cause im just so afraid, tomorrow i may not be alive.
im just so afraid, my roof is going to crack.
im just so afraid, its gonna flood and i cant swim.

most of all,
im just so afraid i will not be able to live a life of a teenager
because for the past four years, i have been standing on my own feet..

im tired.

happy pill

2009-02-09T00:39:00.003+08:00

thanks to Dheep,

I feel like I'm having retail therapy. New phone, new hairdo, new bag, new tops, new shoes, new jacket!!! Thanks d so much. It feels like I've been rewarded these for my hard work hee.

Colour me pretty.

2009-02-01T10:35:00.009+08:00

dearest precious,

the first time I cried this whole year had to be today as much as i could have avoided the tears they just naturally fell.. It was guilt that I I inflicted pain on someone unintentionally. Well all is done, I couldve at least done something to ease the pain but no, I didn't and for that second, I was L O S T .

Its quite painfuL for me to reflect on ,e and my own life.. I've grown to be such a soft hearted person in the last to years. Why? What happened? Oh well , good job girl, at least you are a whole lot more stronger today than last year.. For sure. *pats my shoulder*

February is here.. Time for roller coaster ride number #1 cause I know its gonna happen all over again. Transfer, coping with hectic schedules.. Please don't let me slip away..

past present future

2009-01-25T04:09:00.041+08:00

dearest precious,

I have officially sold my htc touch and bought the e71... i feel totally bad for initially not wanting to lend this baby to max.. On second thoughts... How can i not share with max the things that brings me great joy .. Nevertheless.. I love it already so its mine!!!!!

Max is away .. Enjoying himself at bintan, i wish he had activated his roaming despite the hefty charges.. Well at least i wont feel incomplete, me not able to whine and annoy the shit outta him. . .

attended kish"s birthday.. without a choice i had to see a particular human species which i hope i never have to ever meet again... had awesome food there and spent some time with the birthday kiddo.

& then aaron picked me up from under e blk, we headed to town where the cousin & friends joined us. They were disturbing this poor fella... With me. Haaa. They,re trying to start up their maTCh making business.. And is starting with me... Lol

Sleeeeeeepy
I blogged using eeeeee71

Sd

Dhs

2009-01-21T00:37:00.002+08:00

Dearest precious

Life is a maze. At one point, you find yourself at the start point. and just when you think you were reaching the end point you realize that you're lost somewhere along the way. It's probably a huge maze?

Whichever. The point is, life is a huge maze.

As of lately, i have been spending quality time with the cousin and his friends. They're mad mad mad people hell lot of fun. They're going over to melb to spend some time with my sister in march (without me) or maybe, i should go along! *hmmmmmm*

SO MY transfer is confirmed and id be going.. and then life will start to change because id even double busier than whatever I am now. believe it? I cant even hog the phone the way i do right now? But i guess its gng to be more challenging so im comingg!!!

MOTHER. NAG. EAR.HURTS.

// painted nails are still drying!!

SUPER RANDOM.

JESSIE!

2009-01-13T17:17:00.001+08:00

Dearest Precious,

Im dedicating this post to JASVINDER KAUR.
name- revealed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNFLOWER! you're 20. as soon as i turn 2o you'll bu turning 21. *laughs hard*. Thats beside the point. You're no longer a teen!! Hope you enjoy your adulthood young woman. God bless you and may all your dreams come true.I'll be meeting you soon (:

9th day of new year

2009-01-09T01:31:00.002+08:00

Dearest Precious,

It's the 9th day of the new year and im here to update how life has been thus far. On the 31st dec, after work i headed to Cuppage with the collegues for our countdown party. It was held on the rooftop gardens in the midst of orchard road. Beautiful . We had games and great lucky draws, i only won a mug, a addidas shoe bag and lots of catching up with the buddies. I rushed off for church before the count down and sat in the catherdral with the family and cousins. Not everyone was present but we pulled it off happily. Yes, i caught the fireworks too (:

Then, few days later we had kish's farewell & new year bash party at max's crib. It was the best party ever. The music and the people. It was just us, and no one else. No one to intrude. all the girlfriends made it except sarvesh but i'll forgve her for that.The year had such a great kickstart i'll never regret it at all.!

No matter how great the year has already turned out to be, work has been screwing up alot. Its been so bad so so bad i dont know where to dug my head. I hope the bad-work days will go by soonerrrrr so that i can be the happiest kid in town.

I hope i don have to cry anymore to hide my temper or the tangled words or feelings. I dont want to be a cry baby. Im just sensitive. a little, too sensitive but im not always like this. Im a believer, a creater not a quitter. I had my first 3clicks jogging and exercising today .first for this year. Many thanks to dheep for the many many advise that made me try and fai for the motivation . Its just day1.

good night all.

Thanks for the memories.

2008-12-31T01:06:00.008+08:00

I can vividly remember how we used to be.. this is a beautiful friendship that has blossomed over a period of 10-11 years. I truly understood what I felt when you yelled at me on the phone one night, suspecting and scolding me like the other person.. and later I realized..
just how much , you love me :D

SIM FRIENDS

TRUE FRIENDS.

NGEEANN PEEPS

For some reasons, my life often revolved around the ngeean people. Blame my friends? No. Its been a blessing and there's no one to blame. Thank you everyone for the memories! Puva..kayya..suhar.. devil.. everyone!

SUNFLOWER

As teens, she was always camera shy. No, im seriously NOT kidding! I have really few pictures of us together. Blame you, jes. Now there's nothing to look and browse at and say, heyyy thats us!! (Except, the graduation pictures i reckon). Nevermind that. This is farmost the nicest picture we have ever taken in the last seven years. I'd like to dedicate this column to you from the bottom of my heart. Times have been tough and im almost extinct in your life but I hope you know that no matter the distance, i'm just a call away and you're always deep in my thoughts. I dont know if i've actually said this but it'll sound funny, i cant remember us hugging, ever. (prove, losers we're not lesbos) no, thsts not what i was about to say. I wanted to say, I love you sunflower girl. Its always good to know, there's a final resort someone who wont let you down.

MY GIRLFRIENDS, FRIENDS(sindhu bimbo.. puva.. uma..jem..karthig.. etc etc) AND FAMILY; LET US ALL LOOK FORWARD TO 2009 AND EMBRACE IT WHOLE HEARTEDLY. YOU DONT KNOWW MY EXCITMENT! WOOHOO!!!!!

And this, i havent forgotten. Been through rainbows and storms even drought.. but nothing seems to be stopping the limits of the sky cause there's just no end to what Ive got to say. My shining star.. the one source of motivation. Through the last two years, whatever I have achieved, I have to put it all down to you, thank you for the being the biggest support thus far.

"you have all the money to buy anything you want" you told me. Let me correct you, All the money I have can never buy you, the family or the loved ones above mentioned. Close to my heart.

THANK YOU FOR THE MEMORIES.

2008-12-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

Dearest Precious,

This is hereby the utmost rain-pouring year for me. I am happily awaiting for the last day of this year to happily bid this year a warm goodbye, no - not the memories. So i graduated early this year with good grades, got a job upon graduation & turned 19. THIS are the prominent events this year. Apart from this, I did manage to built tighter relationships with a certain group of friends and a series of events made me realize whats worth and whats not and whats for real and who's fake. The bottom line; Ive realized im most usually taken advantage of, even by friends.

Well, im putting it all behind and looking forward for a fresh start. I even managed to sort of- let go of something that i never thought id be able to. Well i was clinging hard on it, but thanks to Jem who helped me at that particular point of time, I was able to stand strong. Although its not what me or my heart desires, it did help me prepare myself not to fall into depression or whatsoever. It helped me abit by pulling me backwards, a step closer to who I was before.

At the same time, I definitely am going to bid goodbye to a few friends. Well it goes by the saying, thrash out the bad and keep the good. If someone dont appreciate you, move on. If you keep trying so so hard yet people take you for granted and not realize your kind soul, screw them. If you keep trying so hard yet people pinpoint you, their not motivating you, kick them.
hehhhhhhhhhh wait.

I've got a whole list of to-do for 2009.
I shall start with the first two day!
31st dec midnight - midnight mass with the big familyyyyy!!
1st JANUARY 2009999999- templeee with max!

yes im starting the year religiously.. woohoooo

:DDDDDD

After christmas

2008-12-27T02:41:00.002+08:00

Dearest Precious,

Christmas just went by. It was my first ever sick christmas. I'm feeling a whole lot better now but still sick actually. A week since ive been away from work and it makes me so lazy to get back there! Christmas was very simple yet ample of funness :D

TWISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!!

Headed to escape theme park today. It was a decision on impulse & we were kinda late so we didnt get to ride many thrillers MANY thanks also to the bad weather. Nevertheless, I had alot of fun. for that moment, i felt like a little girl holding cottton candy with the people she likes to me with, screaming laughing and being innocently herself, like a kid.

I still feel horrible, nauseous and everything; so im heading the sack. Having some kinda hallucination. spoooooookey.

heh hehh hehhh!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Turkey

2008-12-24T17:47:00.002+08:00

It's the eve of christmas. Unlike the olden times (heh, i make it sound really old!) where Mummy cooks the turkey for both thanksgiving and christmas on her own.. past few years have been different. We order it, instead. Apparently, THIS year, we missed the order and so I shall annouce that its a turkyless christmas!

WAAAAIT!
We might get a turkey somehow, thanks to some kind souls like, atiqah or canadian pizza etc but that's a completely private matter. Talking about turkey, here's something I'd like to share. TURKEY is usually eaten during thanks giving not christmas. It is with time that they started eating it during christmas as well. There is no particular significance as to why it has to be turkey. However it has been stated that in the older days, turkeys were much more affordable than geese etc. and could feed more people :D

haaaaa! thats something even i didnt initially know! So if thisss christmas there is no turkey, dont be mad at me. It's just christmas! there'll be presents for sure :!

:D

Ghost

2008-12-22T23:05:00.002+08:00

Dearest Precious,

Alas, it feels like home ever since I revamped this place, my blog. Simple vibrant colours, exactly how I'd describe my life. I thought about it over and over again. Family, friends and colleques... I have them all. Boyfriend, yet to find one since the last break up a year ago. Flings, totally not up for it. Dates, went on one, found another one.

Talking about dates, I have always been against the idea of dating many, and dating immediately after a break up or esp when you sincerely know that somethings in your personal life is just complicated. And to those who tell me you dont hold hands, kiss or come to close contact or even a hug .. during dates (some many ppl have told me this bfre) screw ya'll big time and bury your pack of lies cause I know you lie!

He says he needs me, he wants me and then he cuts me out. Says I love you but dont mean it. Says I'll be there for you but is always almost extinct in my life. Says he'll marry me but all this as a secret private affair. UNACCEPTABLE! Sometimes, guys really make me laugh the way they try too hard. I just hope your girlfriend finds out what you're up to because she ought to know the one she dreams of marrying isnt sincere to her and has been picking up flowers for someone else. I hope you'll learn from this lesson because i know the pain of a person finding out- that the person she loves isnt all that 'clean'. Wish this up coming fresh year will be a new beginning for you.

With this I say, I always will respect S for one reason because when he was rejected it did hit him real hard but later he realized that it was good that things turned out that way as he wouldnt have been able to commit himself at all, not one bit. Says he loves but cant commit because of his past and selfish future. Never turned himself to any of the cheapo species who threw themselves at him. Teachings ; just because you really want something doesnt mean you can have it always because there are other important matters that need more attention.

good night.

2008-12-15T23:22:00.000+08:00

I'm waiting to embrace 2009. nothing is going to put we down! nothing is going t restrict me. nothing is going to turn sour . I'm putting all my heart and soul into having a better year for everyone around me..

when you set foot on something don give up.

Peeektures.

2008-12-08T00:51:00.014+08:00

Dearest Precious,

I haven't been blogging. Most of the time when I come online, I feel like penning everything down and then im at lost of words. Some can get a little too personal and im sick of people feeding on my blog entries to get their hot gossips. Nevertheless, i guess an open blog has to be open to gossips, rumors and oh yes, judgements.

Work is occupying almost 95% time and focus from me. Followed by the family whom I totally depend on and of course the person whom I have overly pampered. It only occured to me recently that I pamper him way too much like I've never pampered anyone like this, ever b e f o r e. Skiiiiiiip. As of recent events, the latest would be Navin's sister's wedding and reception. It was great. Such joy,love and enjoyment. It only makes me feel excited and anxious to find that mr someone and share the rest of my life with him and only him.

Sarvesh baby is so faraway. Come back quick cause i've been torturing gundu and we miss you many. Max boy and I caught '4 christmases' today. HILARIOUS!! Next up, wild child.Who's in!? Mummy is coming backkkkk on tuesday!! I have so much more than this to say but Im not sure where to start so feed on the pictures and interpret it on your own.

Friendly ghost, is it not unfair that you're invisible?

Max, please dont deprieve me of my chocolates. I know i'm fattttttttttttttttttt alr but pls!
Jes, meet up soon!

my birthday and diwali visit @ mok's

the bbq with x - "family"

the farewell for faizal & navin @ sentosa.

that rainy night.

ghost

Mount faber's jewel box.

One of the bike hunting day.

14022007

The friends, I whole heartedly miss.

Diwali @ Shalu's place.

Diwali @ Sarvesh's place.

Diwali @ Pratheep's crib.

Diwali @ Naren's Place.

2008-11-24T22:43:00.002+08:00

smile :D

life full of sins.

2008-10-18T00:02:00.002+08:00

Summing up today, it was an errand filled off day. Both off days this week were spend travelling back to work place to get things done. And today would officially be the utmost tiring off day ive ever had.Ran errands for both mummy and dheep. Nevertheless, im contended that at least, this much ive cared. Both of them are happy.. see!

Ive just started reading ' thank you for the memories' by cecelia ahern - the author of the book ps. i love you. I really loved ps i love you. Unfortunately, this particular book isnt captivating enough. I've got two more books lying on my shelf which ive bought by jodi picoult.

Awaiting sunday, the $$ day. Woohoo!

Im turning in.
This life, full of sins.

2008-10-02T11:55:00.002+08:00

I loathe funerals. No matter how close i am to the person, i try not to be at the wake cause it just drains out every little strength and hope in me. I recall how i tried to be strong at my grannys wake last year june. How i tried to be the support for her children and take care of her great*grandchildrens. Wow, amazing aint it to have greatgrandchildrens existing in the 21st century.

So now, the godpa passed away. Sister took a urgent flight back to sg. Its actually nice to have her around. Everyone's holding it together. Well i just need a b r e a k . Everything i do seems meaningless. My mind against me and the world and nothing makes sense. living without a meaning. . is not worth living.

2008-09-25T00:55:00.002+08:00

I crazy elephant-ed today. I tried going to Obar to catch up with the girlfriends but it just didnt work out. crazy elehpant was great. I was already super drained out after walking three rounds frm raffles to clark quay and back and forth thanks to the gf. and yeah, now here i am, tipsy a lil. wELL i guess, it will just help me sleep earlier and sleep peacefully and at least perhaps tonight i need not cry myself to sleep and she too wouldnt be calling me to remind me that im hurt.

to sum up the whole good day i had to pump into a guy who looked EXACTLY like dheep except that he was a whole lot more charming. but they really looked so so so identicial and i totally was staring at him and repeating that he looked like dheep. like anyone who knew dheep would have said he looked like dheep. from the height, to hairstyle, to smile... to eye brow and face cut.. everything!! dressing too. ugh!

zouk at padang is coming up. so is f1. changi chill out . walas and everything. toyboy's soft toy is going to become hard. thanks all.

love to love me by you

2008-09-21T01:36:00.002+08:00

love to love you by corrs.
exactly the song you'd want to convey to me.

and so here it goes, cheers to me;

I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
I met you on a sunny Autumn day
You instantly attracted me
When asking for the way
God if I had known the pain I'd make you feel
I would have stopped this thought of us
And turned upon my heel
(Go you should leave me)

Time make it be alright
(Go you must leave me)
Time will help you see the light
(You don't need me)
Time make it be alright
(Go you must leave me)
Believe me when I tell you I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me

There's a pillar in my way you see
I'd love to love you like you do me
You recognised my barrier to love
I know there's nothing worse
Than unrequited love,(unrequited love)
So I prayed to God that Icould give the love you gave to me
But something's lying in my way,
preventing it to be
(Go you should leave me)

Time make it be alright(Go you must leave me)
Believe me when I tell you
I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
There's a pillar in my way you see
I'd love to love you like you do me
I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
There's a pillar in my way you seeI'd love to love you like you do me

Break those pillars down
Break those pillars down
Take those pillars down, down, down
Oh, take those pillars down(Love to love you like you do me)
Break those pillars down(Love to love you like you do me)
Oh take those pillars down(Love to love you)(Love to love you)(Love to love you)
Take those pillars down(Love to love you)[ Fade out ]

....

but even after to the song over and over again, nothing can make me understand ..

dreams by corrs

2008-09-21T01:30:00.002+08:00

People always talk about DREAMS and more often then not, freedom is the first step to achieving your dreams. Even though usually its only an excuse to break free from everyone and live with no commitments and less sense of responsibilities, freedom isnt exactly what you'd need to reach your dreams..

so here it goes;

dreams by corrs.

Now here you go again, you say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost

Yeah, thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Yeah, women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean you'll know, you'll know...

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visionsI keep my visions to myself
Well It's only me that wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell
Dreams of loneliness

Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had(Drives you mad,)
and what you lost, (remember what you had)

Thunder only happens when it's raining(Thunder only happens when it's...)
Players only love you when they're playing(Players only love you when they're...)
Yeah, women they will come and theywill go, (they will go...)
When the rain washes you clean you'll know...

2008-09-21T01:13:00.002+08:00

Somehow tonight, when i returned the 'card' back, i just felt a pinch. I shouldnt be making a 'fuss' like you said and it did hit me. Besides its your card anyway. but you said i could have it *hints- the agreement* but then again, it isnt mine and its solely yours and there should be no reasons why i should even keep it. For the very first time in my life, someone whole heartedly trusted me with the 'card' and i never misused it. Never, ever. And on the dry days it served me like a sense of security. Dont ask me why. like, a secret possession. Although its almost 24/7 in my bag, for some reasons it did serve me as stated above. sense of security.
... this post is pointless cause no matter what im feeling its of no use. 1) its not mine 2) i shldnt make a fuss.

Skip!

Have you ever had a possession. Something that helps you, builds you, makes you feel stronger and etc. (every possession has different reasons) Ive had a few. Some did lose its meaning after sometime. I used to have a star necklace. It was really special to me. I never had anything that was that special to me up todate. It was something i really took care of. something that i created value for and made me feel valued. Contradictingly, i didnt take that great care of it, cause it got rusty and my mother threw it away. I cried. cried. cried. I can never get it back and the person who gave that to me will never give one again. and there it went. gone. . .

then there was this watch... and i'll never forget. on the day it stopped ticking, everything started going wrong.. and even that, is gone. . .

then, there was this jacket which never belonged to me. but somehow i found warmth it in and it was useful as well. I liked it. and I liked the person it belonged to. However, there came a day when i had to return the things to the person. and this was one of the thing.. the jacket now, gone. . .

So i was left with two things. the card and the cap. So now that the card is gone . . . its only the cap that im left with. Apart from pictures, and the bomber jacket one thing that is somewhere on my bed in the other room which i havent slept on since the official breakup. Would everything be gone... when i pass that back...

the feeling is like losing something over and over again. Its like something someone willingly lent you once, its no longer willing to let it be with you. because, these things loses its meaning the longer it stays with me. cause the whole point is, before, it being with me would hold a deep meaning but now when there's no meaning to anything.. to even what im saying..

the object, becomes just an object doesnt it.

sorry for already making a fuss.

NOT YOU.

2008-09-17T23:38:00.002+08:00

I used to get excruciating headaches til last year and now its back. Just back to haunt and torture me! It's bad bad bad! What is worrying is the fact that last year, when this headaches taunted me, my hand got numb and i'm not sure how to phrase this but yeah, its like my arm got jammed and no feelings! the doctor used needles to poke* poke* poke* to check the degree of numbnes and etc but yes, eventually i was just under medications and its pretty honestly, horrifying. I know what it feels like to be almost near death, i know what it feels like to be quarantined at the hospital (out patient)during the sars and birdflu period and i know what it feels like to be near-losing the people around you but heh.

.
.
.
work was hetic and the customers today were rather bitey. Just always pushing things around trying to find the loop hole to take advantages of us, service consultants and i must say this, sometimes customers can really be very very unreasonable and its so obvious they are simply pushing their luck around and it would hardly work. really! If theres' no offering, there will be no acceptance (business law students will und. what im talking abt)
.
.
.
anyhow i just decided to blog cus thaslim motivated me to do so. my blog is so dead. well on a random note, i bumped into sammy girl! I MISS THE 'FIVES' and rehuboy! and and and, babygirls and and karthigesan who got enlisted already. bleh-.

i miss school, the people and the memories.

and to end this, since dheep made me jealous by telling me he made chocolate float... i am now..
sipping into my

HOT HOT HOTTTTTTTTTT CHOCOALTE!!!!!!

2008-09-14T02:52:00.002+08:00

woke me from my fairytale and now, tonight you put me through a sleepless night.
It's so fcuking unfair. I did no wrongs, i said no lies. But the flares the fumes the harshness,
at the end of the day, to me, to me. I cant believe its all with regards to some web album which i dont even know existed! God must be crazy to put me through this. I have emotions too.

I dont wanna runaway but i cant take it, i dont understand.

2008-09-06T22:23:00.003+08:00

Dearest Precious,

I think i've totally over spent this month, even if not entirely on myself - alot of money went to the taxi drivers. No more cabbys, for me and you! It is so unneccessary. I bet i could have bought 10 dorothy perkins top instead of spending on cab! ugh!

Anyhow, i guess there's nothing much about working life especially not where I am working. All the spits and angry people .. but of course, money is my motivation and so is mani. Well, money just drives you to cotninue working and mani drives me to work double harder. Pillar of strength, thank you :D

So i have already planned on how I wish to spend my next pay. Its hitting the twothousand mark and that's getting me totally hyped up and all excited! 18 turning 19 and already earning that! I just know that i totally need financial planning and ive finally signed up for p O sb's montly savings so they'd automatically deduct and help me save :D

Alrightey, this is totally RANDOM cause everything i initially wanted to type .. now i no longer feel like blogging them. so yeah!

2008-09-03T18:35:00.002+08:00

I wanted to blog but i just lost the momentum.
Thanks childhood gf for today (:
I'm veg. today and sub way's veg delite is YUMMY!

2008-08-27T01:05:00.002+08:00

dearest precious,

Recently, i shopped for max. A domanchi shoe which caught our eyes and a top from natural project. Lovely! Funny how i always end up buying things for people and seldom- for myself and i totally needed a new jeans (because, somebody broke my icelemontea jeans) and also my work jeans suck!

im a happy happy girl even though the bank balance makes me feel horrible! Retail therapy really works. Two blue jeans (even though now they look black, i just hope the work place approves it,ugh!) a nf mini skirt! and and and two pairs of studs and and and finally

my favourite lovelove de toi glamstar morgan (butterfly perfume!) I was majorly contemplating btwn very irresistable givenchy, irresistable givenchy and my glamstar morgan but the butterflies won me over. I think givenchy perfumes have a totally powdery smell which i never was a fan of.
heh-.

thanks oinky for accompanying me throughout my shopping spree and motivating to spurlge the cash. I wouldnt have spent so much, if not for you. *haha*.

goodnightsssss!

2008-08-26T02:51:00.002+08:00

I have always wanted to write a book. I never knew where to start and what the book was really going to be about. Bottom line, its a novell. Its going to be about me but im altogether messed up and life is way beyond interesting. Where should I start.

You, have always been my motivation to everything. I just wonder how you can magically make me smile so much by doing the smallest-simplest things or even simply nothing at all...

missing the gfs.
nights.

ONE WHOLE WEEK!

2008-08-05T01:17:00.003+08:00

When i was yearning for max's warmth,
i found an alernative just for the night.

(even though it never matched up to max's)

THANK YOU SO MUCH (:

Monday,

Fine grey day spent at work. After what seemed like ages, I met jessie. Decision- impluse.It was a super last minute, late night affair. Nevertheless, it felt like the older times.I have realized that my temper has grown outrageously disgusting and i needed someonewho has known me all along to bring me back to earth and indeed though really short,i managed to get a worthwhile dinner over at her place. Thanks aunty for the food, so yummy mummy.

Tuesday,

It's thee off day and the best thing that happened to me was the morning message from the boy.Nothing could have hurt me deeper than the harsh words. I know many are hoping i'd move on.but what no one sees is what I see.. the true him. If only the issues were below the surface and the ship could sail smooth... guess every relationships has its obstacles and mine has you.Headed to pasir ris, down town east with Latashy,Nusu and two of their friends. Had an awesome time.One of the two friends they brought along looked and behaved liek dheep.. but guess dheep's so much more better looking!MWHAAAAA. god's playing basket ball in my life once more. Happy birthday little brother. You're not so little anymore. Im glad you're changing for the better.I love you.

Wednesday,

Worked like a mad pig. It's getting tiring and the new management and I are so not getting along.It's pretencious people. If only they could be any nicer.. Anyhow. After work slacked at boatquay. It's thee best thing to do! Thanks Raji for the dinner and for winding up with me. Appreciated.

Thrusday,

Worked like a cute pig, haaaa. After work we had a feast. Lots and lots and lots of food and cans for alcohol/beer.We all drank. Drinking is thee other easy way out when it comes to letting things off your mind. It really worked for me.It just got me high, and thats about it. I latter biked down to woodlands with Sattish uncle and met up with sarveshbaby.It was kavitha's birthday and i was quite out of my mind. At least, i felt i was loose. Thanks babygirl for ... the big hug!

Friday,

Worked as usual. Fought with one. and life just goes on.Its day number four and things havent changed one bit. Boy, i miss you.These sleepless nights without hearing your voice. damn it sucks. I cant sleep. I bet evreyone would have guessed that from my very latenight bulletins. After work slacked at boatquay. Im in love with timbre!!!! the live music there simply rock!!anyway this is to you,thank you for everything boy.You've bee the bestest thing in my entire life.

Saturday,

The offday on a weekend. Ive alway spent it with you and i find myself lost now. I thank my friends for trying to forcefully get me to participate in things instead of watching me sit down and cry throughout the entire day. Headed for lunch at westcoast with friends. Anand picked me up later and i finally met siddy and georgie after a year. (the last time they saw me was at woodlands with dheep exactly a year ago) damn, that was long. Slacked near home with a couple of secondary school mates and later headed for vinod's 19th surprise birthday. I bet no one expected me there cause ive grown so faraway from all of them. Nevertheless, thanks for dragging me along and helping me try set my mind free. With over 26 bottles opened, tell me what kinda drinking party that was. All the high, sobbers. heh. Thanks karthig for coming all the way down to fetch me home. (and, also to see the birthday boy, ah how wld i forget that) Appreciated it.

Im not behaving stupid, dumbos.

Im just setting my mind free.

Sunday,

A crazy morning. Someone keeps getting on my nerve. I hope he realizes that no matter how much i respect him, he shouldnt be trying to take advantage of me. there is no way i can change my mindset about thing.there is this generation gap if you hadn't realized. there is no way, i can allow you to run over me. Even if i have to start facing the shit, and taking up little responsibilities, I can do it im sure. And stop saying i dont need 'the boy' and saying things like you're way much better because you're nothing close to what i thought you were.

Thanks babygirls for cheering me up. I'm trying! (:

2008-07-29T12:23:00.003+08:00

Dearest precious,

IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BORED.

thats all i wanted to blog. heeeh!
oinky's mummy cooked for me lunch night.western food. yumyummmie.

tempremental, indeed.
YAWNS.
GOODDAY!

2008-07-29T00:24:00.002+08:00

Dearest precious,

Ive learnt that lately, ive got such atrocious temper. It definitely is tempremental and is this when i am proud to say, im a true scorpion. Ive finally accomplished everything i scorpy should be, somethings that i never could become the art of jealousy and short temperedness not forgeting, the art of not being able to forgive yet alone forget. Lately, i tend to get angry over the slightest thing and almost everything gets me annoyed. This might not be jut because of me probably the additional things that are surpressing above. Its getting harder to breathe. Just a little thing today, and pfffffffffft* its so many hours now and you wouldnt even think i could possibly be feeling (insert word- i dont know how to describe what i am feeling.. im not angry neither am i jealous im just feeling something uncool inside) til now. it sucks. Im pissed. Yes and indeed like you said, i feellike killing you. crapp.

this is when my tongue ties and the word b!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! comes out. eff it.

PS I MISS EVERYONE!
oinky, thanks for tonight.
one horrible off day awaiting me.

2008-07-17T00:17:00.001+08:00

Dearest,

one more day and its dinnnnnnner and danceee and im dead tired. My bed is calling me already. Ive already planned to go for my body massage soon. Yes, im really needning it. and i need some fun in life. liek totally. i miss crappng ard and being myself!

2008-07-16T01:16:00.002+08:00

Dearest precious

I see rainbows. Just lately. for a week.. over a week.. its all rainbows... and i feel so myself... im laughing more... im smiling and the bestest thing is, i have got the reason to my smiles. Besides that, good to say, work's rolling on .. and im trying to adapt.. still.. whatever.

awaiting this friday! dinnnnnnnnnnnnner and dance!!!! (:

baby sing to me tonight, i'd take you o'vr the moons to beautiful tomorrows. i loveeee hot hot hot chocolates,not! showers! with candlelights in the bathroom.. utmost relaxing bath...
yummmmmmmmmmmmm.

2008-07-02T19:11:00.002+08:00

Dearest precious,

How does it feel to be working for almost 11hours every day and finally being granted an off day. The one day you wake up as late as possible and hope to meet up or unwind with someone you adore. When working, you feel lonely. Meet the nasty customers who scream at your face, the nice ones who really make your day and etc. But deep inside, there's something missing. The communication and presence of people who mean alot to you. And when the off day came, there's not a single soul at home except mine. The most impt person i'd want to meet is busy. The friends are busy too. it just feels alot more emptier than the working days.

it just sucks, actually.
i hate it so much.

2008-07-02T11:56:00.002+08:00

Dearest Precious,

I suppose everyone recognized it wasn't me who they saw in me. What kind'a condition was I in. Messy, drained out and just all over the place. I'm lucky at least one person noticed i couldnt go on, no more and granted me a break. Yes, i cant go on, no more.

Ate the donuts bought- from donut empire and had a drink. Refreshed myself and stepped out there once again. Meeting customers is alot more difficult then sitting behind the computre screen cracking head to meet deadlines. For more than just one reasons, i really feel like switching jobs. Well on the contrary, despite the typical customers and hetic day and drained out soul, i did receive three compliments. THREEEEE! (on their own accord) they were really great compliments but really,im drained. I just woke up, its my off day. There's nothing to do .. or talk.. Not meeting him today... Didnt get to sell off my htc.. in exchange for my sony. ):

well, mundaness like everyother working day! good day everyone and you too. tkkaire.

2008-06-28T22:54:00.002+08:00

Happy 19th birthday darling INTAN!
It's been good 6 years now and with no regrets, i'm glad we've been friends.
Wish you all the best in everything you do.
You've been such a bundle of joy.
I recall your last year's birthday and i wish you had a blast this year as well.

('',)

On the other hand, now that i've got ample of time to blog.
Happy 18th very very belated birthday to latashy!
You're finally legal and we shall wait for ya cousins and start enjoying!!

I hope i havent missed out on anything important.
It's gonna be yet- another working day tml.
til then,
goodnight precious.

2008-06-28T01:16:00.003+08:00

Dearest precious,

Its not my career its just a job right. So it's totally worth it to pull through this hard-ass moment get over with the learning have everything at my finertips and work will roll along easy. I'm sure. its the weekends.. and i feel like throwing a cow at everyone.. those who dont eat beef, you can drink the mik. anyhow, i am so not motivated to work on weekends! Can i have a switch in job?

*slaps*

Okay so i've passed my h t c to dheep. Its to be- sold. *goodbye baby* Old lady's 65th birthday celeb is coming. it falls on the same day as my nephew's naming ceremony.. i dont know which one to go for. besides, i dont even know if id be entitled to an off day.

so he's the 5th to the list... 5th.. to call me aunty.

2008-06-27T12:18:00.000+08:00

Changed my hp from n6060 to htc touch!
but im still ever wanting my w960i,,

2008-06-25T01:27:00.002+08:00

dearest,

nine days of sleepless nights.
cry til eyes dry.
pretend each day is completely alright.
smile laugh and even dare to smile when deep inside its just pain.
each word, action and gestures filled with harshness and pure pain.

she just smiles and continues.
now she knows.
she's not even worth a hug.
its the least she couldve asked for .. for being left empty ..
unspoken of... hurt... well
that clearly reminds her the words said- piercing through ...
"i havent seen you for awhile"
" i havent seen my mom for so many days.. i miss her...you're not my mother. so, who are you?" sacarscm. who in world is she. no body.

nooooooo body.

SO FUCKING NOBODY.
SO FUCKING NOT WORTH FIVE CENTS OR EVEN A HUG.
SO FUCKING NOT WORTH IT TO SMILE AT.
SO FUCKING NOT WORTH IT CAUSE IM NOT A SHOWCASE GIRL YOU NEED NOT IMPRESS.

2008-06-23T01:44:00.002+08:00

Dearest,

Caugh the i n c r e d i b l e h u l k today. Pretty much hair-standing sound effects i'd say. the typical next- king kong movie kinda. well, i suppose i should like everything associated with GREEN. besides, i miss my green long sleeve top which is m i s s i n g.

ngeeeeeeeeeann's show yesterday was SUPERB. totally! (:

keep me strong.

2008-06-20T23:47:00.001+08:00

dearest precious,

why why why? serving customer.. everything seemed fine... til my hp beeped.. it was a message. little did i know that opening it that very moment would have caused me to breakdown. little did i know that id have broken down infront of EVERYONE.

toilet-ed for more than an hour sobbing away. Couldnt hld myself together. what has happened to me. so brittle. i couldnt force myself out of the toilet.which customer would want to look at my crying face. yesterday sucked. i apologize for the inconvenience caused.

sometimes, people just dont care.

2008-06-16T22:32:00.002+08:00

Dearest precious,

dinner at ichiban sushi last night was awesome followed by a thrilling movie ' the happening'. the days now seem longer than before and life feels really empty. there's hardly anything to do and i feel terribly incomplete. its just boredom. monotonous...

Past few days been pretty weird for some odd reasons. Well, all i can make out of it is "fat,IRRITATING, fat fat fat IRRITATING,annoying,fat,ugly,very ugly,fat,fat,fat,fat, very funny looking,irrtiating, *munnthikithey* fat,fat,irritating, seein smone, fat, fat, fat, irritating, and all the harsh unhappy irritated not interested voice tones and gestures knowingly or unknowingly ......ugh just kills the self esteem totally. Scoldings.. haaaa.

So, when the days seem longer and with shift works and less or no time for proper communications or less time for future meet ups its always just fear. And the tear tap just wouldnt stop, would it.

No replies.. no calls.. no nothing... not worth the 5cents.

tell me im wrong to feel this way.

and i'll acceptingly be sorry.

2008-06-15T00:56:00.002+08:00

dearest,

when he looks at you, he realized how beautiful you are even if you're ugly to the rest of the world. you're beautiful in his eyes. when he talks to you, he watches your eye speak. he smiles for the beautiful lips. he sees the structure of your lips.. as beautiful... he looks at you closely and detailed. everything counts. everything about you, is beautiful to him.. the way you talk, smile look.. stare... sneeze.. sleep.. laugh... walk.. everything. even when you dont speak a word... u're beautiful... and it hurts so much.. when you know.. the person you adore the most doesnt see you this way and he makes you feel inferior to others unknowingly. it hurts the most when you know, he'd rather make someone else feel beautiful than you.

how everyone wishes they'd find someone who makes them feel beautiful right? :D

2008-06-12T13:40:00.003+08:00

Dearest,

I'm planning to move. Anyhow, on the 10th got my pay! Met max and we headed for dinner. It was located at little india's khansana? I'm not very sure of the name! Good southern and northern indian food. Yummy Yummy. Cabbed back home for a nightful of cuddles.

At work now! It's training and its good because this trainer is good. There's a test later and I know i'd flop it but its okay. I've both my 2girls on my left and right and we might pull through it.
heh! Ooooh whee! I'm feeeeling temperementally high. too much of sportade maybe.

i need extra dosage of G O S S I P G I R L S!

different .. sudden changes in reaction and body language. mind speaks of the answer the heart skips to think otherwise. well if its happening all over. . . id cry for yesterdays for the happy faced people.

2008-06-06T10:28:00.002+08:00

Dearest precious,

So recently, Jeev was in sg and we met him up. twice, i reckon. It was good. He's so funny and i bet they had a great time bullying me. komalas ice cream is still very yummy! :D
we headed to harry's for drinks. Yesterday was store meeting and we had dinner at sudanese indon rest. yummmy. yum.

this is completely pointless but who cares, its grad today. :D

2008-06-03T11:40:00.002+08:00

Dearest,

thanks for coming down to workplace and having lunch with me :D

2008-06-02T01:04:00.002+08:00

Walking in circles over and over again.

I've realized only today, as I watched time past and let tear roll down my fat cheeks.
I'm like a jigsaw part trying to be fixed into the jigsaw puzzle,
just that all along i was on the wrong puzzle.

why do I go each and every extra mile even when at the very end of the day,
i turn in, incomplete?
It's back to work routine tmr and i hope i'd get stronger by the day.

and here's a song to self.
" i'd give my all, to have... just one more night with you"

2008-06-01T11:11:00.002+08:00

Dearest Precious,

Work just traps you in her hetic schedules and she just dries you of all your energy. Now I'm wishing I had taken up an office job because its seriously manyfolds better. TOTALLY. At least i'd have my every weekends to myself and i dont have to work on public holidays and id end work almost the same time every single working day. hell yeah, im complaining.

She traps me up each time and every minute- delayed works me out and i'd be placed on an edge. It's quite an emotional rollercoaster ride. Each free seconds I have, i'd wish to do something I'd prefer doing and should I get turned down .. . it feels horrible. But perhaps, it's all in the game of life the feelings thoughts... situations... It feels like, now that my ample of free time is taken up working ... in that many many hours im losing out on something else... and eventually, i'm lose it...

It's been two weeks now and I haven't adapted to it. I'm supposing it'll all go fine. I'm waiting for the pay!! I miss all of you. This up coming friday the 6th is going to be one of the special days in my life with the impt people in my life (:

So yesterday was spent eating cheese stick breads and falling asleep infront of the tv o'vr at his place til l'tr at night headed down to have dinner @ komalas with shrek and max. I love the ice cream there! After they had a really good time bullying me we headed down to chijmes- harry's.
Coconut-ini was really really nice and a little strong.heh.

sugar rushes dreams. imu.

G! from GG (not georgina from gossip girls)
xoxoxo

19th may

2008-05-20T02:01:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

I thank you for today cause its one of the many days i'd never forget. Thank you for giving me the wonderful people in my life whom i create wonderful memories with. Since its vesak day and also officially the last holiday for me, max spent the entire day with me. I met up with ush to pass her, her bdae gift and later met max and vj for some photography session. The weather was a completely turn off. It got us sticky,tired and just [insert word here]

Well, I wished the weather was better, and that we had more time to wonder around the jurong lake and chinese/japanese garden. There will come another day when we can venture these areas for more photography sessions. Well, in the midst of the sorching hot weather the best thing to do is to dip ourselves into the swimming pool. so we headed down to wdlnds sports complex and spent hours there 'swimming away'.

Just when life feels almost complete, you realize the million complications and its all about heartaches and hardworks. screw you. So here it is, the big day in a couple of hours time. Day one of work. CHANGES IS THE ONLY CONSTANT. HOW IRONIC. I dont want anything to change, not just yet.

HAPPPYY BIRTHDAY DEAREST FAN SHIQIN, SARA :D

baby, beautiful you are.

2008-05-19T03:27:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt like you were part of 'something' like for an example a grp

which you arent supposed to be part of.
Have youe ver felt like you werent part of something although you were part of it.

complicating?

thats the word.

since its 3.29AM its alr the 19th..

so happy vesak day all

IVE GOT ONE LAST OFFICIAL HOLIDAY

and im going to spend the whole day with my dearest!
:D

work, here i come 1 more day.

2008-05-13T14:27:00.002+08:00

12th may.

Happy 18th birthday Ushalini. (shalu)

And today I fed you, you know id be scribbling this down.

I remember the first time i fed you, "western chicken wing-rice"

and the movie, what was it? deepavali ?
nyeh nyeh nyeh!

I've got exactly 7 days before i start working and life is going to change

But im going to hold on to everything as it is

because i hate having to change so much.

i need more of everything i have now

to be there when i start working

its just going to suck.

Ive to do the graduation preparations to the work preparations

and 7days is not enough.

and right now, i need a bigg hug.

i miss intan,jessie,sam and fana.
infact, i miss pratheep.
I miss nurnoi, mai, nas,khalid,sasha,raudha

and that whole secondary clique.

i miss all the troubles and nonsense.

9th may

2008-05-13T14:19:00.002+08:00

9th of may.

The best thing to do when its raining is to hug the one you adore to sleep.
the feeling is eccentric.

the way things always fall in place.

like how the hands just fit.

and the warmth is adequate.

its the best place to sleep! :D

why does it always rain when i have sleepovers?

2008-05-07T02:40:00.002+08:00

5th may 2008

Once in awhile, its nice to know you've got someone to hold.
The long miserable days are over now that you're back.
and tonight was [insert word]
I'll miss you forever and ever more.

2008-05-05T15:29:00.002+08:00

Trapped in the world of darkness/

atmosphere filled with warmth/

but somewhere right from within/

a little voice speaks of fear/

Where's the love we always longed for/

how do we know what exactly to feel/

why are the days so long now/

how do i know, where are you /

do you hear the little voices speak/

of the pain it feels inside/

do you hear the little boy weep/

of the what chokes him in his sleeps/